Sunday, May 7, 2017
In Who asked you? the protagonist found out that one of her former boyfriends had passed away and decided to go find all of her past loves to make sure that they were doing okay. She describes her relationship with each guy and why they ended it. She had a lot to talk about since she had been married three times and had twice as many significant relationships. I thought I'd do the same and put it up as a blog post... and thanks to facebook, I found most of them. I have two on BBM (though we do not talk) and one on whatsapp. The exercise was enlightening as I had to include even the people I had never dated. I realized that I have so far led a very boring and unadventurous life. I honestly have had sex with only 3 men in my life. What a shame. Seriously. I can boast of cuddling probably six without it going any further. I wondered why I was always that "friend" that they would shamelessly beg to hook up with her other friend. I swear, I never saw it. Besides, in my neighborhood, we had many tragic AIDs deaths of the popular neighborhood people. It sufficiently scared me into adulthood.
I won't bother sharing all of my past loves because I bored even myself thinking about them. I looked them up though and had one idiot think that I was toasting him when I buzzed him on facebook. He was my first real, formal proposal. We met randomly and I decided early on that he was not my type. Frankly, I wanted an adventurous lover and he was very Ustaz (Islamic scholar type) and I did not want anyone making me feel guilty when I decided to release all of my pent up sexuality. He asked me who I was, later on, "how can i help you?", "I am a married man", I have blocked and deleted him on facebook now. I didn't want him then, I don't know why he thinks I want him now.
Another serious contender, I'd heard through the grapevine (we were family friends) that his wife abandoned him but he is there forming happy family man and trying to tell me what I was missing. I felt sorry for him sha. When we met back in 2004, he thought that since I had graduated and served and there was no husband around it meant that I was desperate. He started acting like an asshole and telling me how I should be behaving like "wife material". Once we had been talking and laughing and he decided to "spark" and walk out on me. I educated him on how disrespectful that was (he was probably trying to see what I would do when provoked?) the second time he tried to spark over something insignificant, I walked him out and told him never to come back. He thought I was kidding and when he realized that I was done, he started spending time with my family so that they would help him "beg" me. All that drama and we were not even dating (as in he had not stated his intentions). I probably am boring because I do not do drama.
I was still done and he eventually moved on. He married some sickler girl and we started talking again after my parents invited his parents to my wedding and he called to congratulate me. I heard through the grapevine (my sister) that he had been kicked out by the girls' family. I guess he was thinking that I didn't know. I am not gloating because it's rather sad.
On that note, what is wrong with our generation? Ten years ago everybody was wedding and now it seems one in every five couples is calling it quits. It is well.
Friday, July 15, 2016
Some people think its an environmental thing but I disagree. I was not raised in such a household but I was such a kid. My husband is pretty much the same. His parents did not even bother enrolling their kids in school to avoid paying school fees until one day, he sneaked out with his friend and went to school with him. The baby sitter was out of her mind with worry knowing that people would accuse her of kidnapping the child and after looking everywhere and crying up and down the street, she saw him arrive with his friend (lucky her that back then schools closed at 1pm). In case you are wondering why the teacher did not ask, honestly, Naija was a different place back then. Even in the eighties, we used to occasionally bring our two year old sister to school in uniform even though she was not enrolled. Teachers never minded. Anyhow, the traumatized woman made it clear that she could not look after him and then his parents were forced to put him in school.
My kids are so lazy that it scares me. Yeah they both read early effortlessly sef because I was more focused on one's speech and the other's multiple issues, I did not have the time to teach them. They are intelligent and fast learners, but lazy. For example, older kid can read "above his grade level" (I would never say it out loud but, we held him back a year and since public schools only "practice" with kids what they already know, that means nothing. The boy will be starting 2nd grade in September when he really should be going in to third grade. So therefore, above grade level for him at the end of 1st grade should be 3rd grade na. But no, his teacher proudly tells me he is at 2nd grade level in reading and expects me to start doing cartwheels. His Math took lots of blood and he barely got any of the concepts. He can do the work but he cannot explain anything. Younger child also reads a grade above his next years' class of 1st grade and same thing applies. Besides, I listen to both of them read daily and am appalled at the low expectations these people have for my children. Is it because we are immigrants?!?!
Hubby and I also have different philosophies when it comes to raising children. I believe in nurturing your kids and making good decisions for them regarding their home life and education. This helps ingrain in them purpose and discipline. I always wanted a job that would see me home at five, so I can make dinner (hubby does not like to eat out), do home work with the kids, talk to them, fix bad habits before they get worse, etc. My husband tends to think that they will just wake up one day, with good habits, studious and driven to succeed. His "vision" is for us both to work our buts off and amass millions for us and trust funds for the kids and their future education. While its doable his way, he refuses to pay for a tutor for our intelligent but lazy and unmotivated kids. I advocate for a tutor (aka lesson teacher) because, we were both always at work and even when he is off, his interaction with the kids is limited to them fetching and carrying.
I am naturally hands on and can do it myself but if I have to make the kind of money he wants "us" to make I cannot work as many hours, clean house (did I mention that he does not want a maid, and refuses to do anything, and now thinks the kids are old enough to do it all), teach kids, play with them, practice speech with one and socialize them both without breaking down. Coupled with him giving speeches about how he will disown any child that "does not want to go to school" (so he can have an escuse to keep the money that we both worked hard for, *loud hiss*). Those have stopped due to my raining insults on him, and willing that fate on his outside children and none of my own, (which I regretted but I was pushed; happened many years ago and I have since repented and he has since stopped the dumb bragging).
In my opinion, you have to choose. Will worry about raising their college tuition money later, I cut my hours to work on them now. That is just one of many differences we have in child rearing. Now I am at the point where I think I may not be the best teacher for them, they are so far behind, and spend more time at school, we need to start looking at schools that will actually work with them. Hubby thinks am being frivolous after all, education is free in America, why pay for something when you have it free? I have complained about their lack of knowledge, the inappropriate homework and have gone off on a teacher that tried to imply that we were not doing enough at home and hence the deficits that she did not see. I will chronicle my "school fights" one of these days.
It is so exhausting to be a parent. Needless to say, when I started getting a bad rep at the kids school over things that we agreed needed to be addressed, my hubby turns around to tell me how "I dey go show my true colors outside". Even more so when a child has two parents physically but one parent seems to think they will raise themselves. Don't get me wrong, he is on board with anything I suggest as long as he does not have to physically do anything to enforce or carry it out and its free.
On a side note, my use of so therefore is something I learnt from Mrs Udokpo my beloved primary four teacher who inspired in me a love of maths and love for teaching (she would say "SO" and draw the three dots for therefore while she was explaining, lol). She was also short and smallish and to make up for her height was wicked and punished us for anything and everything. I wish I could say she took a special liking to me but she thought I was dull and the only reason why I did well with her is she kind of carried the class along, explained in different ways, gave lots of homework and classwork, and I just typically did as I was told. Before I was her pupil, Math and Greek were one and the same. But even years later, I would never have been the mathematician I became if it were not for her. I wonder where she is now.
Monday, May 30, 2016
You see, I was raised Yoruba up North by parents who had spent a lot of time abroad. Me sef I know am dilute when it comes to etiquette. So, I am not aware of a lot of things like keeping ankara iro and buba for a guest, etc.
I had to cut ties with her because I found myself always offending her one way or another and constantly having to apologize. The final straw was one day, i was begging her for crap I don't recall but I do recall being very much irritated. I can't stand drama queens. barely a week later, we had another fallout and this time, I did not call her to talk about it and apologize like I used to. After some time, she called me. I let her speak. And when she started demanding an apology since i did not offer it, i had to hold back my laughter as I explained why I was the one who needed the apology. She was livid! We since made up but we aren't close anymore. Now, we play phone/social media tag where she ignores my calls and messages if I dont respond to hers within minutes.
I really need her Yoruba wisdom with another situation though.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
From this group, I have learnt that there are many "secret marriages" as well. As in the dude will take on another wife (or mistress) and the wife will be none the wiser. This is really nothing new because as a former avid reader of Classique, PrimePeople, Vintage People, Hints, Hearts, SweetHearts and all the soft sell magazines of the late eighties and early nineties, it's been happening forever. I remember all of those women who thought that they had perfect homes and the most wonderful husband and then the man dies and she meets his "other family". Or she get an invitation to something that she knows nothing about and calls to let them know that they have the wrong person and finds out that her husband has another address. There was also the classic other woman coming to confront our dream wife who thought that she had everything.
My Dad was always home when he was not at work. In fact when his friends called him out to drink, he would go home, pick up my mom and go meet them there. He was always home for dinner and we all answered his calls (with the advent of GSM), he was that open. He also has a brother who was trying to get him and the rest of the family to escourt him to the home of his prospective second wife. My Dad was very clear about my Uncle not taking a second wife to avoid putting the kids through what they went through as kids. Now in spite of all of the above, if one woman appears with four kids saying she be my Papa secret wife, I would not be shocked. I am saying all this to tell you how much I do not trust anyone that has a "third leg".
And so it came to pass that I was helping hubby reset his email on his phone since I am the "techie" one of us two and while I was trying to decide if I should wipe the device to fix the issue, I see this lady's name on his phone. I don't know why she caught my eye. I jokingly asked who she was and he stuttered. I decided not to wipe his phone and dropped it, planning to ask him about her when we went to bed. I was later trying to look for a picture of me and my mom only to stumble upon an online album of an out of town wedding my hubby went for some years back. The pictures were shared between me and this lady I found on his phone.
Anyway I immediately facebooked, googled and linkdined the chick. Single mother, lives 3 hours away and oh my God, I am seriously wondering if my husband has a secret family.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Everyone I know just had a baby this past year or is preggers. My biological clock is telling me now or never but my head is telling me no. Oga was telling me to get my tubes tied and I have helped him schedule his vasectomy. Lets see if he goes through with it. If he does get the vasectomy then so be it. Otherwise I will let fate decide and do something permanent in September.
Weight is just increasing like crazy.
I caved in and relaxed my hair. My hair has grown but the lower back portion is still longer than the rest (part of the reason why I cut it off to begin with). I have reaized that natural hair does not grow faster, its just harder to neglect. After months of looking up ways to straighten natural hair. Gaskiya some of the methods were as bizarre as threading every night (I no fit) to daily flat ironing. My final straw was this colleague of mine that does wash and go with my type of hair. I just know I cannot leave the house with my hair looking like hers. Its bad enough to be over weight. To not take care of oneself on top would be a travesty.
I hat my job even more now. Seriously looking for another.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
The first sign of "trouble" was when I began to cook alone while mama will shout well done intermittently from the living room as she watched TV. Honestly, it was a red flag because she used to come help out in the kitchen but after a week she refused to do anything at all. She also announced to me that she cannot wash her clothes with a machine(?) and I responded by buying her a bar of laundry soap and letting her know where it was so she could wash when she wanted to. Needless to say, she put her clothes in the machine after all. Then, she had a "hypertensive crisis"; she stopped taking her blood pressure medicine, and when she went to the Doctors' office she told him she had taken her medicine and her bp was a whopping 178/96; of course they brought out the big guns and placed her on beta blockers et al. She looked a mess by the time she was leaving. Of course on getting home, she reported to her son that she took her medicine at different times because I didn't always have breakfast ready. . .
I pointed out that she is in her house and since I work nights, AND go to school during the day, I was sometimes half awake when I walked in. I told her to feel free to help herself to some bread and tea or cereal so she could get her medicine early. She also said her bp spiked because of all that salt that I cooked with. Long story short after three arguments with hubby acting like I was trying to kill his mother, I started cooking two pots of stew, and later we just went salt free. She really isn't a horrible person, she is just scheming, petty slow poison, passive aggressive. She will nag you to death while feigning innocence. After her hypertensive episode, she kicked up her feet and did nothing while she waited for her departure date. I continued to cook and clean and watch after the kids more or less take care of her while she pretended to be an invalid. Many other things happened before she left but I wont go into them, after I understood her motive, I decided I would not engage her. If you must catch a monkey you gotta think like a monkey, so we both went about our fake sweetness for as long as it took.
A week before she left, my husband offered to take the kids to speech therapy so I could sleep in. He asked his mom to bathe and dress the kids. She assumed I would get up before he got back so, she sat at the computer watching one of her "Redeemed camp" or " Mountain of fire camp" programs. I was jolted awake to hear her son come back two hours later and the kids were still playing in their pajamas. He repeated his request and left (not so nicely either). She then went on her own tirade about how the kids four and five should be bathing themselves and how she had never seen such big kids who could do nothing for themselves. I heard the computer change to a kids program, then a loud smack as it was changed back to whatever camp it was that she was watching. I sighed and got up to get the kids ready, looking her square in the eye so that she knew that I heard all of the crap she had just spewed. By this time she did not care so all I could do was the Yoruba laugh.
By the time we took her to the airport I was glad. Why come for such a long period if you didn't want to? Na by force? As luck would have it, her other son was going to have his kids born here as well; I am sure she didn't think she was coming back so soon. Thankfully, they had their kids in Dallas so, I didn't have to see her for longer than ten days. Of course, the other son so unlike my husband, made his expectations clear, she was here to help his wife and he did not leave any chance for his mom to antagonize her. I have nothing against her but hey, I am not stupid. She wants to be my mother - in - law, and will hence forth be treated as such. Two can play this game, as a matter of fact, I invented it.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
A friend of mine asked me how I responded to people telling me one of my children looked better than the other. In my head I thot "Na that one dey worry you?". But out loud I said I tell them they are both fine. I mean, a few people have said that to me. First it was the younger son I was told was not fine but now its the younger one that is too fine. I personally cannot keep up. I don't care. Beauty lies in the heart of the beholder and they are both (all) beautiful to me.
My younger son is a late talker. He is five and has the conversational skill s of a two and a half year old. I would be more worried if he showed other issues, but he reads well, can answer comprehension questions and can make his needs known. He just lacks spontaneous speech and cannot narrate. He has speech therapy three times a week at school and once a week with a different therapist on weekends. I also harass him with conversations just to get him talking. That said, I adore my smiling boy who may not be able to tell me a story, but is so good at everything else that I choose to appreciate who he is. I do all the story telling and he does the add ons. What irritates me is when "friends" and acquaintances ask me why he isn't taking. "He will talk when he has something to say" I usually respond though I would like to ask why their own kids lacked manners, couldn't spell or why they are obese at such an early age.
I guess my message is be sensitive of the things you say to others. Nothing wrong with giving pointers, I joined a really helpful support group when someone told me they helped her son with the same problem. I have had people suggest things versus those who just feel like running their mouths. Whether its beauty, weight, intelligence, or speech. The journey of being a mother is so much more than what our kids can and cannot do in the beginning. We can only do our best and hope that the rest of the world minds their own f**g business when they have nothing positive to contribute.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
The whole we are equal jargon flies out the window when they hand you that helpless baby you carried for nine months. Then you realize that your mums silence was not out of weakness and her tears were not because she married the brute that you call Dad. She stayed to give you that priceless illusion that all is well.
Most working married women have less possessions than the ones who do not have to work or are single or have no kids. If only men could fix their ego n let it go. Thank her for her support n stop acting like it's a competition. Most fathers will justify not providing with my Dad did even less n I came out all right. But a woman will remember the extra five naira mummy gave me to buy biscuit or how mummy got me those sandals even though her wrapper was tattered. I will keep my job regardless of what it does to my husbands ego. Lemme wear my worn heels n give my babies a few extra clothes and some extra fish. His mama did that for him and I will do it for mine.
Monday, February 17, 2014
A man his son and his donkey were travelling to a neighboring village on foot with, leading their donkey. People who they passed said they were dumb for not riding the donkey. The man lets his son ride and people began to comment on how disrespectful and manner-less the son was to be riding and letting his old father walk and so they trade places. Of course, the next set of people began to rain curses on the man since he would ride and let his tired young son walk. To prevent this, they both decide to ride the donkey together only for one market woman to exclaim, "You want to kill that donkey? How can that donkey support both of your weights?". Tired of all the criticism, the man and his son decide to kuku carry the donkey only to get more criticism. I do not remember how the story ends.
The moral of the story is that people will always talk no matter what you do. The other moral is what they say may make sense but you really should not listen.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Was supposed to start a nursing career, except my Nigerian husband is all for the idea but just not interested in lending the reliability needed for that. And I have no relatives here who can help even a few hours a week, friends are either in the same boat or just too darn competitive its sickening and well, i put that on hold.
My current job is soo stressful, no time for me or the kids, I work 50h weeks 6 days a week, they keep finding a reason to reduce your pay (attendance- my pay was cut when i had my first baby because i was absent, and when i had to rush any of them to the ER; not selling, quality, etc they come up with something new each day) To top it off spend all day dealing with rude customers, rude collegues, and horrible conditions. Am so grateful i have a job, yet am so fed up with all the daily stress, am so tired I sometimes don't know how i get home or how i got to work.
I guess it was the pregnancy, my stressful job, unhappiness, and a lot of other factors, i decided to become a teacher, its not my dream job, but it would give me more money, more time, and more security. I squeezed out the hours, took the certification and licensing required and here i am today not a single offer. (School resumes August so, schools are staffed by this time, unless i keep praying for someone to get fired, die or something).
And yet when home people call, point of correction you call them or they flash you n you call back all they have to say is did you call lagbaja?
At this point I JUST TIRE and. . . .I doesn't know what to do.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
That was my first ultrasound photo. I looked at it and saw the profile of a baby, husband saw it and some how managed to see feet and arms. I must agree that it is a little hard to see what that is. When I was finally going to be told the sex, the Doc and his nurse (husband and wife running a practice with their four grown up sons, used to wonder how they did it without pissing each other off- by my third visit, I realized they were human and yup, they do go for each other's throats every now and then, but for the most part they work really well together) smiled at each other and smile at me and ask "was that what you wanted?" am looking at the screen with its lights and shadows seeing nothing and I ask "what is it?" they had to tell me cos I dont see anything on the screen but I did see him in the photos.
I had the delivery all planned, was going to go in early so I could get an epidural cos first time i got to the hospital too late. And you know how you expect your next baby will come sooner? Lies, all lies! My previous baby was two weeks early, and this time, my due date came and went. By the time i was two weeks past my due date, my doc got tired of my nagging and scheduled an induction. I was fixed for Monday evening since that was the earliest date available. Then on Friday evening, I got a call from the hospital saying that one of the women scheduled for Sunday just had her baby so I could take her place. It was not to be. I started haivg contractions a few hours later. They were so irregular that I wasn't sure if labor had actually started.
So, I sat and waited for one of the 3 signs: water breaking, mucus plug or bloody show. Then, I timed the contractions too. when i sat for an hour and felt nothing, i got ready for bed and next thing i felt an almost imperceptible pop and flow of water ( I always expected a burst and gush of water, with my first, they had to break the bag just before i started pushing) we rushed to the hospital and an hour later, i was holding my bundle of joy.
I bled so much afterwards they left me in the delivery room for a few extra hours, I had to get an extra bag of "drip" and got my first ever dose of coedine, after which, bliss, bliss , bliss. . . I understand why people get addicted to the stuff, I was floating in space and have never felt so free. Just drifting in and out it was almost scary. Got back to earth a few hours later and asked for more, lol. They refused cos I was breastfeeding.
I no go lie, going from 1 kid to two was (and still is) hard. Am good with the mommy thing but working 50 hours a week+ 70 hours of classes, plus no family help and a hubby who goes off duty at will (but becos he does so much already, i let him be) I was so scared I was having panic attacks; I would wake up in cold sweat and sometimes just gripped by paralysing fear. did not stop untill I got back to work; was still taking my classes and hubby who would not help much with one kid has thrown himself into nanny mode.
Doing OK except that I don't know where the last two years have gone. . . I keep having this nagging feeling that I have accomplished nothing. Dont get me wrong am gratefull for the hubby and kids, but those don't count as things I did. I really am not sure what to do with myself next and just get so tired trying to decide, gist for another day. . .
And my baby is no longer a baby, oh no. he is a boy now and a naugthy stubborn one at that. It never ceases to amaze me how smart this boy thinks himself to be. He actually thinks I don't see him run when he's somewhere he's not supposed to be doing what he's not supposed to be doing. Hmm, am trying to get him into this Jewish preschool, and I have this inner feeling that they do not want him to attend, they keep on giving me the run around. Am waiting for May 15 when they told me to call back again, been posting me since Febuary. In case you are wondering why I want him there
a) i need the boy socialized, in an organized setting
b) they came highly recommended
c) as a working mom with a working hubby, we really can't do the bedtime stories (boy doesn't even seem interested, prefers to turn the pages by himself, lick the book, or turn it into a toy) am too tired to do more than feed, bathe and play with them both before we , or rather I, collapse into bed and they join me in boredom (or fear of the dark?)
d) his idea of a conversation is mommy talking and him babbling, if he goes to school he will talk faster, and I so love that stage when they can carry their end of conversations even if its with baby talk.
Its all good sha, I fully intend to reach 50 posts before August, so help me God. Haba, in almost three years!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Hubby annoyed me yesterday and characteristically, I let him have it. Not going into what he did but will only say, its something I have been gently trying to curb as advised by all the self help gurus. The man just no wan change and I went crazy. It could be my hormones, I know being preggers makes everything seem much more serious that it really is. After I erupted, trust the guy he sits quietly and then I start feeling like I was over reacting. I decide to apologize when we get into bed. Was going to snuggle up, give him a hug and tell him I was sorry and in a calmer manner repeat what he was doing that he should not be doing :).
Na so I enter bed, my small oga was being fussy so I let him sleep with us. My mouth was too heavy and instead, we all drift off to sleep. I woke up at night and madam, wake your husband up and tell him sorry and sit him down for some midnight "oro pataki", I lie there contemplating how to begin and fall asleep again still trying to decide on the best approach.
Of course typical guy fashion today hubby wakes and we talk like nothing happened. He knows I'm sorry anyway and he knows it was his fault too so, I decide to let it go as well but I know I need to reclaim my apologizing skills. Will do after our next fight.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
a) God is wonderful. He must be to make it possible for that child to breath in water. Her water was broken at about 5 a.m. (it was an induction) and the baby somehow was still breathing until it was pushed out @ 1.22 p.m;
b) Women are heavy duty machines. I have seen my own father, brothers and especially husband catch catarrh and turn into blubbering, irritating babies (may God forgive me for feeling that way) but seriously, I hate seeing sick men they get on my last nerve. This woman pushed out a whole person and was smiling afterwards. She had an epidural by then but what about the six hours of labor before she got the medication? But still, first hand, the birthing process is very painful.
c) I wonder why some people wait to see a mountain move before they can accept the miracles and favors of God Almighty. (First time I bought newborn clothes hubby actually thought no baby could fit something that small and you actually do forget how small a newborn is). Most fascinating thing about them (newborns) is they have 206 bones squeezed into that little body, a functioning brain and meeeen that head of theirs that mouds itself to pass through the birth canal? Awsome! God is wonderful. Even if I never see a mountain move, I am a Believer.
d) How does a baby make its way out such a small hole?
e) Even though the birth was amazing, seriously its a more spiritual experience to watch, I think it might be a good idea to bar husbands, boyfriends, and significant others from watching. Am just glad am a woman cos I would not go near another va jay jay if I were. The emerging baby is not a pretty sight and you need to see what it does to the anus.
f) God I thank you for making me a woman.
Monday, August 10, 2009
A friend of mine was recently married and while we made small talk (chatting online) she stops to ask me a question, "First time you and your hubby did it, did it hurt?"
I go "no why?" cos she knows it wasn't our "first time", me and her did share that much info in the past, albeit rarely.
And she goes, "hubby and i have not been able to do the deed for the past three days now because it hurts so much" I was, and still am confused.
Before I go on, let me give you some background, the lass is in her mid thirties as in 35, and we go way back. Once, over ten years ago, we had a heart to heart conversation when she confessed to doing it several times with the person supposed to be teaching her math (not a dirty old man but a guy a couple of years older than her). She only stopped when she got pregnant after which an abortion was arranged and since then, she has had a few relationships she says were not fully sexual (I never asked, she always volunteered that), even though they did everything else.
Back to the narration, without thinking, I go "Is he that huge?" and hit send before it occurs to me that she may not find that funny since she was confiding something serious. I cover up for my lack of sensitivity by giving her some suggestions, get on top, use some k-y jelly, etc. She tells me that was how he got halfway in three days.
I was baffled, I never knew the hymen grew back, but even after an abortion?...or maybe she just has vaginismus.
I think I only met one virgin in her mid-twenties she was 27 at the time and one morning she rushed to work to give us gist about how using tampons will break the hymen, I looked at her in disbelief at first; thinking to myself lost that a long time ago but I was graceful enough to not show my surprise that she thought that was breaking news. Even more hilarious was her wedding preparation, she chartered all those how to please your man in bed books and was reading them as if she had exams on the subject. She is too serious a person for me to ask if all the reading helped. She would have killed me with her eyes, lol. Anyway, I was impressed and it inspired me to go on a new round of celibacy.
As for me, losing my flower did not take three days, it just took a non verbal go ahead and the deed was done. I do not recall a renewed virginity after any of my celibacy periods either; (longest ones lasted 3 years, 1 year and some months, ten months and six months) but when I resumed, except that it was sweeter, I do not recall having to stop and try again the next day., talk less of the third day. But then, her husband does have long, slender fingers, maybe it could be a length issue then?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Finally finished my class, was supposed to take a history and a sociology course for the rest of the summer but changed my mind. Just realized am not as young as I used to be and with all the other everyday hassles, I am barely managing to get by on a day to day basis.
Yes oh, my cherub was a year old this Saturday. Am not into parties but in an effort to make sure my child has enough photos as mementos of the big day, I decided to have a get together at home for friends and family and have a real kiddy party at his daycare. Hard part is I havent a clue what people here do at 1st parties, I have asked around, and one alakoba (sorry, no english translation that would do that justice) suggested a pool party. Emi ke?!? I no want trouble, even if the said pool was a bucket of water, I no fit. When he's five maybe but as a toddler? No way.
Everything is ready except the balloons. Will get those tomorrow.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I have completed my Mid Terms, in my usual trouble finding manner I decided to take a crash course online. I took the online version out of convenience and registered the day after the class started. Its a five week course, spent week one looking for the recommended text. After driving all over, my only option was to order online and it was too late so I got an online version, downloaded it and my PC chose that day to crash. To cut a very long story short, I had to connect on the laptop, crash 6 chapters in three days, study for a mid term test and complete a very difficult (and rather stupid) essay. I did it all with an hour and a half to spare and for that I am truely grateful.
Motherhood, my cherub has two teeth, is crawling army style, putting on healthy weight and sleeping through the night. Pregnancy is exhausting and uncomfortable and having a newborn is twice the exhaustion but nothing can compare to your baby waking you up in the morning and smiling down at you just because you opened your eyes. I love my baby.
Money even thoiugh I am short of it right now, I love money and all the good things that can be obtained with it. And I am saying thank you in advance cos, Insha Allah
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Me: You shouldn't have turned left
Him: Shebi I told you to ask for directions
Me:Thats why I told you to ask yourself
Him: But you said keep going down Westheimer
Me: Its really not too late we can park so you can ask them yourself
And we manged to argue back and forth until, I got tired and did not feel like going anymore and he claimed to be tired as well; we agreed to go home. I called my aunt who had invited us so she would not wait anymore and then hubby decides we just have to find the place (I know if I had insisted on going we would've been home in a heartbeat); we head back, find the place and ended up having a very nice time.
Two of my siblings are wedding this year, one friend has tied the knot and the other, well lets hope they make it down the isle before they break up. It all got me thinking about my ring and its multiple personality.
A ring could be a badge, a symbol that you are a member of the prestigious married womens' club. It means people should not disrespect you in public, you cannot indulge in playfulness or mischief like you used to and any man beside you has to be your husband, his relative or his friend. Every statement is to be punctuated by don't you know that I am a married woman, or my husband this and my husband that. I think the most interesting part of this is most women suddenly become holy at this point. I wanted to but somehow it just didn't happen, I mean my biggest sin used to be fornication (so I thought, but thats another story) and now its a sin if I refuse, so that in itself makes me feel holier :).
Implies you can carry belle, sleep over, people can come and visit and meet you half dressed. Nothing to be ashamed of, after all you have a ring to brandish and so its a certificate to indulge in all the stuff you may have been doing anyways but now don't need to lie about or hide. This is especially useful when you lock yourselves in the house and take a few minutes longer than necesary to answer the door.
I recall the good old days when guys expressed likeness by hanging around you and trying to impress you. (When you get to your mid twenties, they begin to propose marriage even before asking you out or tell you how you embody everything that they've been searching for in a wife, or my personal favorite, how they just want to settle down now now now if they find the right person-and that's your cue to begin auditioning). Have come across two or three people who I just noticed hanging around (@ different times), being nice, trying to impress (like in the good old days) and suddenly it hits me that they may be trying to "get to know me" and then I go searching for my rings (I am not a ring person and besides when i was ring shopping they told me to get a loose one so I could grow into it-haven't grown into it yet, so i take it off so it doesn't get lost) and any hoo, I go find them so the dude realises its too late. I don't care wonderful you are or seem to be, if you were meant to be mine, you should have found me first. The guys bow gracefully away and tell me how lucky my man is, and I'd love to give them his number so they can tell him, but hubby already thinks I'm a psycho, no need to add fuel to his suspiscions. And anyways, as long as its not Babyface Edmunds, I'm sticking with my man.
Marriage is hard, very very hard. I take that back its not hard, its just a lot of patience, forgiveness, manipulation and diplomacy. On the hard days you keep that ring on your finger to remind you of the never ending circle that your love is supposed to be. You wear that ring willing it to do its magic so you don't go screaming into the hills like a mad woman or more likely just go back home and curl up in the bed you slept on so many years ago dreaming about your fairytale job, marriage, kids and life; lord knows it was nothing like this. If wishes were horses beggars would ride. . .can't go home, this is your home now. During the trying times you grudgingly make his meals; respond to his questions with tight lipped comments (am still working on the malice thingy) he realises he majorly pissed you off and tries to make small talk, tries desperately to make you laugh; wants to make love. And in time the never ending circle does its thing and you realise that you would never trade the man beside you, with his rusty amour, feet of clay and annoying ways, for the man in your dreams of yesterday.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Baby was sick again. Fever crankiness, loss of appetite. I had to call my mom to ask what I was doing wrong. She said he might be teething; I tell her he did that three weeks ago, infact the second one is crowning. I didn't know they fell ill with each tooth. went to check on him during my lunch break feeling I should have called in and not gone to work. The boy was happily swinging his legs enthusiastically eating some kind of spanish rice and noodle soup. The boy did not even cry when I left, but that told me he was alright. He's fine now, again and at least I know what to expect when the top ones start coming in.
I don't know how to say this, but if I was a boy, I'd be an ass man. I have this colleague with this very cute ass and I like watching it move. I just realised I've been staring at her a bit too much when she caught me looking for the second time in one day and now I have to make a conscious effort not to look and its been sooo hard. Don't get me wrong, I am not gay. Personally I am not homo phobic or homo curious. am not interested in boobs, it would be akward trying to make love to a woman and feel her breasts, beside, part of the turn on in sex is feeling his member grow, you wont get that with a woman and how about the ridges and contuours? and seriously a dildo would not trmble and pulse or shoot anything warm, no I am not gay.I just admire her ass the way people admire a pretty face.
:) how was your week?
Saturday, April 25, 2009
4) Am off on Saturdays.
5)I have exceeded my sales target at work, big deal because in the year that I've been here; my sales are usually about halfway to target. I am a terrible sales person and used to talk myself out of sales; as in, after making an offer, I tell the customer both advantages and disadvantages of the service (cos i wish everyone else would do that for me too). Now, I keep my big mouth shut. If they figure it out, good, if they don't I get my sale. I mean, I need my job and besides, all i'm asking is that they keep whatever they buy for a month so I get my commission.
Monday, March 30, 2009
For the first time in the ten years I've know him (yes, I have known him for ten years; tale for another day) hubby was the first person to wish me a happy birthday. I'd just got home the day before, was eating dinner (had resumed midnight dinner for several reasons; I've been stressed out lately, am unable to eat breakfast cos it makes me slow for the rest of the day; the overnight hunger was interfering with my sleep and making me cranky and because I wasn't losing any weight from the starvation, so I might as well. . .) and watching "friends with hubby. It was the episode where Ross' lesbian ex-wife was having Ben; the scene reminded us of my delivery and i suddenly realised that when i gave birth i did remeber pusing out the head but dont remember the shoulders being pushed out hubby then tells me they pulled him out by the head and we went on about details. When the baby comes out on the sitcom and he says happy birthday; I thought he was talking about the show. Then it hits me; it was midnight and my birthday. . .sweet.
My first birthday after meeting hubby, we were at school, our school was one of those where guys were not allowed into female hostels so, I was outside hanging out with my cousins and their friends; we were all broke (my cousins and I), so we decided to gist and tell stories, share jokes (or vice versa). Hubby - then just a guy who refused to get lost - sat somewhere in the shadows with his friends, waiting for the crowd to leave; he over heard the birthday chorus or something, and sneaked away to get me a gift. Spent a few hours outside with him and it was no biggie. . .
My twentieth birthday was a blur, we saw the day before and the day after, I was too depressed to care anyways. By then we were dating and all. . .and o n the verge of our first break up.
Twenty one was a good year, we were taking a break from each other (again) he did remember a week later. no qualms cos, I thot to myself, I was waiting for my knight and the knight obviously was not him. . .
Twenty two, he called late at night, we were back together again. He called me at ten PM (landline not cell phone; my Dad was the only one at home with that nokia 3330 that cost him over 30k, MTN line was 27k or so); anyway hubby calls me telling me he almost forgot; naturally, I blasted him.
Twenty three, nothing not even an e-mail. We had spent a week together in Akure two weeks before, had to blast him again and promised to forget his birthday from then on. . .
Twenty four, we had a pregnancy scare; just did my first medical test for my first job and felt so stupid for probably losing the job because i could have been pregnant. I was too upset to do anything or even care if he remembered. All he had to say was lets do introduction. There was no baby, I got the job and we forgot about the intro (he was a corper).
Twenty five I got a surprise party at work. You know when suddenly you notice everyone is scarce and someone "has something important" to tell you. The person leads you to a room and everybody starts singing Happy Birthday and its a party. It was one of my best birthdays ever! Hubby called in the evening, had to take his mom somewhere (and phones don't work in cars). Blasted him yet again. Much more annoying was that he didn't care if i forgot his.
In 06 he calls me first thing in the morning like he used to every regular day; we gist small and he hangs up; I coolly let him forget at that time, it didn't matter. I guess he pulled up his PC minutes later and realizes; calls me back and we had a good laugh over it. . .
27 we were together; he called from work because that was when he remembered.
28 was an okay age to be, I learnt that I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go in terms of self development; lost all my friends, made no new ones; the first time really that i haven"t asked myself if i was happy with who i was today, the first day of this new year of me. So far so good, though.
Monday, March 23, 2009
He was to be sitting by 5 months, crawling at 6 months, off the breast at 6 months (here we are breastfeeding 7 months and counting), standing at 9 months, off the feeding bottle at 1, toilet trained at 2 and saying the alphabet and counting to twenty by 2.
But here I am applauding his being able to sit down without support (and he claps too) at 7 months and four weeks, but even though I think we (me and him) have a pretty fair chance of meeting the other milestones, I will honor his process and just let him do things at his own pace (like I have that much of a say in the matter).
This is fast becoming a mommy blog.
PS:- Not beef but my aunts' child who was standing @ 7 months is a year old next month and he's still not walking but she's not losing sleep about it. Don't know what came over me.
I love my mom to pieces, I obviously inherited her paranoia.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Started with one akata woman who began well, her place was close-by and she seemed to love kids. All of a sudden, she began complaining all the time; that was our queue to move on but of course, being too busy to look and too stubborn to change we managed her until she decided to not take care of my kid because she felt me and my husband were not communicating, among other things. She claimed she told hubby lots of stuff about me and baby and as a result of our lack of communication, none of the messages were passed across. Last straw was when she said she told him to get someone else and I was livid with rage; sharply went to snatch my baby ; missed two days of work and made new arrangements. Turned out she didn't tell him anything and besides since she and her own husband communicate so well
Hubby has been so strong for us this time. The first one had me questioning if we could last another year. He felt it was my fault and we should have begged the akata. I told him the day he labours for his own child we can go and beg her. I was mad at him for days, and I have never hated him as much before nor since. This one was a bit more ridiculous and hubby was actually consoling me like a Daddy does and I almost started crying on the phone. . .that was until I tell him I locked my keys in my car and the he starts screaming as if it was so much of a big deal, I don't know why the man is so inconsistent. I mean its my keys and my car and he just went on and on and on. . .so what if it was the third time in six weeks? I've been stressed out lately. He was a doll and called the locksmith and waited with him.
So far so good, I've worn them a month and counting and am enjoying the lightness and being able to see like a regular person.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Speaking of which, is it just me or do you find yourself wondering where or when people first think about sex? I have know there was something people did called sex for as long as I can remember. I may have been off on details at first, but I vaguely knew what it was and I always wondered where the thought came from.
It finally occurred to me one night doing hubby, I glance beside him at the little one . He was wide awake and when our eyes meet, he gives me this huge beautiful grin. Of course I decided to always put him in his bed every night -which by the way I did not do because its hard getting up to nurse when you're tired, but good parents that we are, we don't do anything with him on the bed anymore - but realized then where some people got their thoughts from, I guess I slept on my parents' bed till I was 2. Tell me I didn't witness something in those two years.
Why am I even talking about this sef?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I was tired of being a wife; the hardest part of which is dealing with a grown man I often feel like giving a big kick in the ass. Don't get me wrong, me and hubby have really been getting along these days. Some days I love him with all my heart the kind of love that I wouldn't have minded cutting show once in a while if I was with someone else. And somedays he just cannot stop getting on my nerves. Today, he is my one true love and didn't sound so happy when I said it out loud that I just wanted to go home for a week.
I think the lack of sleep is getting to me. My cherub sleeps in three hour stretches on a good day. In between hubbys snores which are getting louder and louder by the day; and the little angel constantly waking up, i get about 6.5 h of interrupted sleep every night. At least if i go home, I could give him to my mom for the night; she raised five kids she must surely be used to it by now. and its all her fault anyway. I don't want to be a wife today. I know I am blessed but I just want to go home and be one of the kids again, just for a week. I am sooo tired; I can't do anything. To please me (or maybe he just got tired of me kicking and shoving him to get him to stop snoring, lol) hubby started sleeping in the other room and I feel abandoned. I am so homesick, I'll deal with that later.
You might wonder why I blame my mother. Well, I love my mother but, I blame her for most things anyways. She was the one harassing me to get married ever since I carried my two left legs home from service with no husband and no job. I was naive then, and just happy to be home. I was only twenty three and she made me feel like a failure for not having a husband. When Baba joined in three years later. . . I knew it was time. So I stubbornly refused to cry on my wedding day; that would have been so pretentious and pretentiousness is just not in my nature. Not to mention her nagging me all the time, there was always something I wasn't doing right.
After all that why do I so much want to go home and be one of the kids again?. . . just for a week?
Maybe my job is also contributing to my stress. Customer service in America is something else. Having been a victim time and time again in Nigeria where you complain and the person supposed to sort out the mess for you will insult you, and walk you out like it isn't your service that made it possible for them to have jobs; here the customer is always right. You have the lousy people who will call in swearing by their dead relatives that they never made certain calls or used certain services, and to keep my job I have to kiss ass and try to tell them politely that it was our fault. Or the stupid ones who want you to send them a new phone because the old one does not vibrate anymore.
And I am just as fat as I've been since the beginning of the year. my fat jeans are getting tight sef. And people think I'm almost due with another baby.
Please let me go home for a week before I lose my mind!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I confess that I have kept none of my weight loss resolutions though I am making a lot of effort. Its hard to exercise when you have no spare time and PLEASE don't tell m to create time, if that was humanly possible, we would surely have more than 24 hours a day. The diet is going so so. Its harder to quit certain foods when you make the declaration to do so. Hardest of all my bad eating habits to quit is midnight dinner when I get home. But I am proud to announce that I have broken that habit for the past seven days.
Foolish Old Men
Last Sunday a curious thing happened, I got a text from an old fifty something man who should be settled in his 5 year old marriage. . .the text was sent in error, mind you. . .something corny about longing for someones memorable touch or juicy lips or something of sorts. . .silly really. The text was meant for his plaything and being the techie klutz that he is -not unusual for a guy of his age - he must have accidentally hit the reply all button sending the secret message to me, my husband, his wife, his family and friends. Hubby gave him a call and alerted him to his error and the guy had to repeatedly send everyone messages saying the text wasn't from his phone. Uh huh, we all got the text from some ghost who ran out of ideas on how to freak people out, loud hiss. For good measure, he sent the disclaimer text twice so we'd all see that his phone has a mind of its own. . . even louder hiss. Wish I could tell him that the cover up text sounded even more foolish than the cheesy love message.
Witnessed something while standing in line at the old Standard Trust Bank almost ten years ago. You know how the bank used to be like a crowded market place, and on that day, standing in front of me was this young cute girl doing this kinda jiggly dance to the AIT theme song. Behind me was this elderly gentleman somewhere in his mid fifties or sixties. As the girl jiggled her hips and butt, the man grunts over me at the girl in this thick Ibo accent "see the way you are dancing like a little baby"
When the girl acknowledged his comment with a "shy" glance, the guy proceeds to shove me aside -and i kid you not- so he could ogle the "little baby" . I stood my ground cos I had been standing in line for over an hour and was not giving my space to anyone. Next thing the man has the guts to say in a loud voice that I was interrupting his conversation and I should move aside. Thank God for my big eyes, I turned around an eyed the man from head to toe and probably because I didn't say anything he decided it wasn't worth the scene, he left me alone and continued panting like bingo after the "little baby" with more discretion. Tell me the likelihood of someone knowing his wife and or kids being present that day. I mean is it a crime to pursue women with maturity?
Give an inch. . .
This situation kinda sorted itself out (thank God). Had this stranded colleague @ work one day. . .no car and she fell out with her roomie who used to give her rides home because they live together. I don't think they were lovers though because the bigger gal used to be married and the smaller one was obviously going through a dry spell some weeks back when she was paying too much attention to guys in the office. I mean she was laughing hard and long at their jokes even when the said jokes were not funny, she kept talking about how homely she is and how she just loves to cook and bake for fun, etc oh, and how she hadn't had sex since the birth of her son five years ago. Anyway, apparently she got laid recently and has been respecting herself.
Lest I forget where this is going, I gave her a ride home because she needed one, next thing my sister began waiting for me daily. I wouldn't have minded if we were going the same way. She lives about 10 minutes in the other direction and then after i dropped her off, I'd have to drive 25minutes back at home and at that time of the night, I wasn't finding it funny after the first few days. But thank God sha, it seems like the person doing her has been taking her home. My issue was resolved, we have been spared her throwing herself at guys in the office, and baby girl seems happy. All's well that ends well.
Hope everyone's having a good month.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I have to keep reminding myself that its a new year because I had to work the day before and the day after and been working ever since, I miss those 1-3 week breaks I've gotten in past years.
I am working on my exercise and diet. I am yet to lose any weight though. Its annoying cos if I was on a binge now, I would see the weight gain in minutes.
Bobo is changing so rapidly before my very eyes. He used to be this wobbly necked infant and it was relatively easy giving him a bath. Now its a struggle. He is constantly trying to stuff as much soap into his mouth, holds the sponge tightly any chance he gets; and tries to "catch" the water and when he cant catch the water, he holds the container. I end up struggling to hold him still with one hand and soap or rinse him with the other. Speaking of which, if anyone has a solution for dry skin, please share. My baby has skin as dry as a crocodile's. I've bathed him with dove sensitive fragrance free since he was 2 months. That helped a lot. I have no luck with body lotions/creams and petroleum jelly is just too heavy, right now I mix with it water, and cream him morning when I give him a bath and last thing at night before i go to bed. I have also tried eucerin, curel, johnsons baby, aveno baby, palmers cocoa butter, palmers shea butter, baby magic, various baby gels and oils, I have also done the extra virgin olive oil and they either did nothing for him or made him break out in rashes. I need something mild, and I am open to suggestions.