Tuesday, October 9, 2007

One morning

One morning, I woke up and realised that there was something different about my body. I was incredibly fatigued, I was getting cramps and I just generally did not feel so good. A week later, it occurred to me that I could be pregnant and I freaked. A week later, I got over it and began to warm up to the young being that was growing inside of me. I began to talk to her and even named her (don't ask me how I knew it was a she, yu just do).

I joined all the baby sites I came across, babygaga.com, pregnancy.com, etc. And joined all the other May 2008 Mommies on all the boards I saw. Believe me, its cool being pregnant. You glow naturally and just have this inner happiness that I can't explain.

I lost the pregnancy a day before it became an official viable fetus (according to webMD) and I am coming to terms with it. It just happened though, I've thought of a thousand things I could have done differently, I know deep down inside that it was never meant to be. So, this is the final stage of my grieving process. I'm letting go. Unfortunately, no one told me how hard it was (I do know a few people who have experienced it). Its so so hard. Its over a week now, the pregnancy was only nine weeks and I'm still hurting. DH is okay, being as supportive as he knows how to be (silence, silence and silence as usual) we haven't even mentioned it but for onnce, I am grateful for the silence. I don't think I could cope if I had to recount the incident over and over again to people, so its a good thing that only the two of us knew about it.