Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Had me a baby

Yep, went and had me a baby and thought I should write my own birth story before I forget it. Alas, its not as cute and romantic as those ones they show on TV; but its my story and that in itself makes it wonderful (at least to me).

I wont dwell on the pregnancy because I was too paranoid to let myself enjoy it. I thot I was going to loose it again. I was already two months gone before I let myself think I was possibly pregnant. I thought the missed periods were because of all the bleeding I'd already done in the weeks following the miss.

By the second trimester, I decided to blog about my fears to make them go away (since I no longer keep a journal). As I logged on, I visited my regulars and from one of them I heard a story much like my first experience. Her blog was inspired by another and trust me and my masochistic self, I had to read that sad tale although it had a happy ending. Read one more and could not take it anymore, each person miscarried twice and that kind of reinforced my own personal fear. I logged off and did not blog or read another blog for weeks.

Third trimester I was a bit confident, afterall, these days a baby born after 28 weeks is known to have fair survival chances. I even thought of having an elective c-section; so that I could stop feeling so anxious and before my body decided to kill the poor soul. Yep, its irrational but you somehow blame yourself.

Finally, at my last doctors visit, my doc confidently told me that I was probably going to see her a couple of more times before the baby came. A few days later, I was in labor. You know it doesnt happen like in the movies when the lady has one sharp pain and they all rush to the hospital. No, it starts gradually and gets progressively worse until you cannot concentrate.

On the said day, I went to work, got through the day, went to bed and kept waking up from the pain. I thought they could be the famous Braxton Hicks and kept quiet. By the next day, I was dying inside but tried not to make a fuss. I went to work, couldnt bear talking to customers while I was in so much pain and so I took the day off promising to come to work the next day.

When I got back home and reaalised that I wasnt focussed enough to get through ayatul Kursiyu I realised it was time. I had always prided myself on being strong but I wept like a baby. The doctors reassured me that I would get an epidural. Ashe, I was too far along for that. Next thing, they were pushing me into position and telling me to push. I push with all my might and feel this burning pain while fearing for my almost bursting anus. I dont dare stop pushing because I watched enough births on u-tube and know that the head could go back in. I give a second big push and the head comes out. Well, the rest wasnt that hard and in 18 minutes after I arrived at the hospital; It was all over. They throw this naked baby (who by the way looked like a skinny two month old) on me and tell me its mine. I know a lot of people say you don't start loving your baby until much later but I loved this one so much with

I'm fine and he's doing good too. He's a month plus now, sleeps eats and cries all day and night, smiles and laughs only in his sleep. I know I'm gushing so, let me end this now.