Thursday, November 5, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
The first sign of "trouble" was when I began to cook alone while mama will shout well done intermittently from the living room as she watched TV. Honestly, it was a red flag because she used to come help out in the kitchen but after a week she refused to do anything at all. She also announced to me that she cannot wash her clothes with a machine(?) and I responded by buying her a bar of laundry soap and letting her know where it was so she could wash when she wanted to. Needless to say, she put her clothes in the machine after all. Then, she had a "hypertensive crisis"; she stopped taking her blood pressure medicine, and when she went to the Doctors' office she told him she had taken her medicine and her bp was a whopping 178/96; of course they brought out the big guns and placed her on beta blockers et al. She looked a mess by the time she was leaving. Of course on getting home, she reported to her son that she took her medicine at different times because I didn't always have breakfast ready. . .
I pointed out that she is in her house and since I work nights, AND go to school during the day, I was sometimes half awake when I walked in. I told her to feel free to help herself to some bread and tea or cereal so she could get her medicine early. She also said her bp spiked because of all that salt that I cooked with. Long story short after three arguments with hubby acting like I was trying to kill his mother, I started cooking two pots of stew, and later we just went salt free. She really isn't a horrible person, she is just scheming, petty slow poison, passive aggressive. She will nag you to death while feigning innocence. After her hypertensive episode, she kicked up her feet and did nothing while she waited for her departure date. I continued to cook and clean and watch after the kids more or less take care of her while she pretended to be an invalid. Many other things happened before she left but I wont go into them, after I understood her motive, I decided I would not engage her. If you must catch a monkey you gotta think like a monkey, so we both went about our fake sweetness for as long as it took.
A week before she left, my husband offered to take the kids to speech therapy so I could sleep in. He asked his mom to bathe and dress the kids. She assumed I would get up before he got back so, she sat at the computer watching one of her "Redeemed camp" or " Mountain of fire camp" programs. I was jolted awake to hear her son come back two hours later and the kids were still playing in their pajamas. He repeated his request and left (not so nicely either). She then went on her own tirade about how the kids four and five should be bathing themselves and how she had never seen such big kids who could do nothing for themselves. I heard the computer change to a kids program, then a loud smack as it was changed back to whatever camp it was that she was watching. I sighed and got up to get the kids ready, looking her square in the eye so that she knew that I heard all of the crap she had just spewed. By this time she did not care so all I could do was the Yoruba laugh.
By the time we took her to the airport I was glad. Why come for such a long period if you didn't want to? Na by force? As luck would have it, her other son was going to have his kids born here as well; I am sure she didn't think she was coming back so soon. Thankfully, they had their kids in Dallas so, I didn't have to see her for longer than ten days. Of course, the other son so unlike my husband, made his expectations clear, she was here to help his wife and he did not leave any chance for his mom to antagonize her. I have nothing against her but hey, I am not stupid. She wants to be my mother - in - law, and will hence forth be treated as such. Two can play this game, as a matter of fact, I invented it.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
A friend of mine asked me how I responded to people telling me one of my children looked better than the other. In my head I thot "Na that one dey worry you?". But out loud I said I tell them they are both fine. I mean, a few people have said that to me. First it was the younger son I was told was not fine but now its the younger one that is too fine. I personally cannot keep up. I don't care. Beauty lies in the heart of the beholder and they are both (all) beautiful to me.
My younger son is a late talker. He is five and has the conversational skill s of a two and a half year old. I would be more worried if he showed other issues, but he reads well, can answer comprehension questions and can make his needs known. He just lacks spontaneous speech and cannot narrate. He has speech therapy three times a week at school and once a week with a different therapist on weekends. I also harass him with conversations just to get him talking. That said, I adore my smiling boy who may not be able to tell me a story, but is so good at everything else that I choose to appreciate who he is. I do all the story telling and he does the add ons. What irritates me is when "friends" and acquaintances ask me why he isn't taking. "He will talk when he has something to say" I usually respond though I would like to ask why their own kids lacked manners, couldn't spell or why they are obese at such an early age.
I guess my message is be sensitive of the things you say to others. Nothing wrong with giving pointers, I joined a really helpful support group when someone told me they helped her son with the same problem. I have had people suggest things versus those who just feel like running their mouths. Whether its beauty, weight, intelligence, or speech. The journey of being a mother is so much more than what our kids can and cannot do in the beginning. We can only do our best and hope that the rest of the world minds their own f**g business when they have nothing positive to contribute.