Monday, May 30, 2016

Missing my "friend"

I used to have a friend who I liked. She was my kind of person but extra controlling and extra bossy. she has a lot of Yoruba wisdom though and was my go to person for etiquette.

You see, I was raised Yoruba up North by parents who had spent a lot of time abroad. Me sef I know am dilute when it comes to etiquette. So, I am not aware of a lot of things like keeping ankara iro and buba for a guest, etc.

I had to cut ties with her because I found myself always offending her one way or another and constantly having to apologize. The final straw was one day, i was begging her for crap I don't recall but I do recall being very much irritated. I can't stand drama queens. barely a week later, we had another fallout and this time, I did not call her to talk about it and apologize like I used to. After some time, she called me. I let her speak. And when she started demanding an apology since i did not offer it, i had to hold back my laughter as I explained why I was the one who needed the apology. She was livid! We since made up but we aren't close anymore. Now, we play phone/social media tag where she ignores my calls and messages if I dont respond to hers within minutes.

I really need her Yoruba wisdom with another situation though.


Sunday, May 8, 2016

Secret Families

I am a member of a Muslim wives group that I somehow thought would teach me more about my religion and of course, how to be a better wife. I am indeed an excellent wife right now, just that you always want to stay on top of your game. Unfortunately, all everybody wants to talk about is how to prevent their husband from taking another wife. While polygamy is permissible in Islam, I don't know why any man in this day and age would dabble into it. Apparently even in the UK and USA, it is a growing phenomenon #sigh#. My opinion is to be the best wife you can be and respect yourself so that even if he gets another wife, you will have options. God forbid but my hubby finds it difficult to be fair so frankly I wont go as far as polygamy with him.

From this group, I have learnt that there are many "secret marriages" as well. As in the dude will take on another wife (or mistress) and the wife will be none the wiser. This is really nothing new because as a former avid reader of Classique, PrimePeople, Vintage People, Hints, Hearts, SweetHearts and all the soft sell magazines of the late eighties and early nineties, it's been happening forever. I remember all of those women who thought that they had perfect homes and the most wonderful husband and then the man dies and she meets his "other family". Or she get an invitation to something that she knows nothing about and calls to let them know that they have the wrong person and finds out that her husband has another address. There was also the classic other woman coming to confront our dream wife who thought that she had everything.

My Dad was always home when he was not at work. In fact when his friends called him out to drink, he would go home, pick up my mom and go meet them there. He was always home for dinner and we all answered his calls (with the advent of GSM), he was that open. He also has a brother who was trying to get him and the rest of the family to escourt him to the home of his prospective second wife. My Dad was very clear about my Uncle not taking a second wife to avoid putting the kids through what they went through as kids. Now in spite of all of the above, if one woman appears with four kids saying she be my Papa secret wife, I would not be shocked. I am saying all this to tell you how much I do not trust anyone that has a "third leg".

And so it came to pass that I was helping hubby reset his email on his phone since I am the "techie" one of us two and while I was trying to decide if I should wipe the device to fix the issue, I see this lady's name on his phone. I don't know why she caught my eye. I jokingly asked who she was and he stuttered. I decided not to wipe his phone and dropped it, planning to ask him about her when we went to bed. I was later trying to look for a picture of me and my mom only to stumble upon an online album of an out of town wedding my hubby went for some years back. The pictures were shared between me and this lady I found on his phone.

Anyway I immediately facebooked, googled and linkdined the chick. Single mother, lives 3 hours away and oh my God, I am seriously wondering if my husband has a secret family.