Went to a wedding last Saturday. Hubby and I left together, naturally we got lost. He refused to ask for directions and I had to ask for him (so it can be his genius if we find the place and my fault if we don't?) and naturally we argued all the way
Me: You shouldn't have turned left
Him: Shebi I told you to ask for directions
Me:Thats why I told you to ask yourself
Him: But you said keep going down Westheimer
Me: Its really not too late we can park so you can ask them yourself
And we manged to argue back and forth until, I got tired and did not feel like going anymore and he claimed to be tired as well; we agreed to go home. I called my aunt who had invited us so she would not wait anymore and then hubby decides we just have to find the place (I know if I had insisted on going we would've been home in a heartbeat); we head back, find the place and ended up having a very nice time.
Two of my siblings are wedding this year, one friend has tied the knot and the other, well lets hope they make it down the isle before they break up. It all got me thinking about my ring and its multiple personality.
The Badge.
A ring could be a badge, a symbol that you are a member of the prestigious married womens' club. It means people should not disrespect you in public, you cannot indulge in playfulness or mischief like you used to and any man beside you has to be your husband, his relative or his friend. Every statement is to be punctuated by don't you know that I am a married woman, or my husband this and my husband that. I think the most interesting part of this is most women suddenly become holy at this point. I wanted to but somehow it just didn't happen, I mean my biggest sin used to be fornication (so I thought, but thats another story) and now its a sin if I refuse, so that in itself makes me feel holier :).
The Certificate.
Implies you can carry belle, sleep over, people can come and visit and meet you half dressed. Nothing to be ashamed of, after all you have a ring to brandish and so its a certificate to indulge in all the stuff you may have been doing anyways but now don't need to lie about or hide. This is especially useful when you lock yourselves in the house and take a few minutes longer than necesary to answer the door.
A Deterrent.
I recall the good old days when guys expressed likeness by hanging around you and trying to impress you. (When you get to your mid twenties, they begin to propose marriage even before asking you out or tell you how you embody everything that they've been searching for in a wife, or my personal favorite, how they just want to settle down now now now if they find the right person-and that's your cue to begin auditioning). Have come across two or three people who I just noticed hanging around (@ different times), being nice, trying to impress (like in the good old days) and suddenly it hits me that they may be trying to "get to know me" and then I go searching for my rings (I am not a ring person and besides when i was ring shopping they told me to get a loose one so I could grow into it-haven't grown into it yet, so i take it off so it doesn't get lost) and any hoo, I go find them so the dude realises its too late. I don't care wonderful you are or seem to be, if you were meant to be mine, you should have found me first. The guys bow gracefully away and tell me how lucky my man is, and I'd love to give them his number so they can tell him, but hubby already thinks I'm a psycho, no need to add fuel to his suspiscions. And anyways, as long as its not Babyface Edmunds, I'm sticking with my man.
A Reminder.
Marriage is hard, very very hard. I take that back its not hard, its just a lot of patience, forgiveness, manipulation and diplomacy. On the hard days you keep that ring on your finger to remind you of the never ending circle that your love is supposed to be. You wear that ring willing it to do its magic so you don't go screaming into the hills like a mad woman or more likely just go back home and curl up in the bed you slept on so many years ago dreaming about your fairytale job, marriage, kids and life; lord knows it was nothing like this. If wishes were horses beggars would ride. . .can't go home, this is your home now. During the trying times you grudgingly make his meals; respond to his questions with tight lipped comments (am still working on the malice thingy) he realises he majorly pissed you off and tries to make small talk, tries desperately to make you laugh; wants to make love. And in time the never ending circle does its thing and you realise that you would never trade the man beside you, with his rusty amour, feet of clay and annoying ways, for the man in your dreams of yesterday.
Me: You shouldn't have turned left
Him: Shebi I told you to ask for directions
Me:Thats why I told you to ask yourself
Him: But you said keep going down Westheimer
Me: Its really not too late we can park so you can ask them yourself
And we manged to argue back and forth until, I got tired and did not feel like going anymore and he claimed to be tired as well; we agreed to go home. I called my aunt who had invited us so she would not wait anymore and then hubby decides we just have to find the place (I know if I had insisted on going we would've been home in a heartbeat); we head back, find the place and ended up having a very nice time.
Two of my siblings are wedding this year, one friend has tied the knot and the other, well lets hope they make it down the isle before they break up. It all got me thinking about my ring and its multiple personality.
The Badge.
A ring could be a badge, a symbol that you are a member of the prestigious married womens' club. It means people should not disrespect you in public, you cannot indulge in playfulness or mischief like you used to and any man beside you has to be your husband, his relative or his friend. Every statement is to be punctuated by don't you know that I am a married woman, or my husband this and my husband that. I think the most interesting part of this is most women suddenly become holy at this point. I wanted to but somehow it just didn't happen, I mean my biggest sin used to be fornication (so I thought, but thats another story) and now its a sin if I refuse, so that in itself makes me feel holier :).
The Certificate.
Implies you can carry belle, sleep over, people can come and visit and meet you half dressed. Nothing to be ashamed of, after all you have a ring to brandish and so its a certificate to indulge in all the stuff you may have been doing anyways but now don't need to lie about or hide. This is especially useful when you lock yourselves in the house and take a few minutes longer than necesary to answer the door.
A Deterrent.
I recall the good old days when guys expressed likeness by hanging around you and trying to impress you. (When you get to your mid twenties, they begin to propose marriage even before asking you out or tell you how you embody everything that they've been searching for in a wife, or my personal favorite, how they just want to settle down now now now if they find the right person-and that's your cue to begin auditioning). Have come across two or three people who I just noticed hanging around (@ different times), being nice, trying to impress (like in the good old days) and suddenly it hits me that they may be trying to "get to know me" and then I go searching for my rings (I am not a ring person and besides when i was ring shopping they told me to get a loose one so I could grow into it-haven't grown into it yet, so i take it off so it doesn't get lost) and any hoo, I go find them so the dude realises its too late. I don't care wonderful you are or seem to be, if you were meant to be mine, you should have found me first. The guys bow gracefully away and tell me how lucky my man is, and I'd love to give them his number so they can tell him, but hubby already thinks I'm a psycho, no need to add fuel to his suspiscions. And anyways, as long as its not Babyface Edmunds, I'm sticking with my man.
A Reminder.
Marriage is hard, very very hard. I take that back its not hard, its just a lot of patience, forgiveness, manipulation and diplomacy. On the hard days you keep that ring on your finger to remind you of the never ending circle that your love is supposed to be. You wear that ring willing it to do its magic so you don't go screaming into the hills like a mad woman or more likely just go back home and curl up in the bed you slept on so many years ago dreaming about your fairytale job, marriage, kids and life; lord knows it was nothing like this. If wishes were horses beggars would ride. . .can't go home, this is your home now. During the trying times you grudgingly make his meals; respond to his questions with tight lipped comments (am still working on the malice thingy) he realises he majorly pissed you off and tries to make small talk, tries desperately to make you laugh; wants to make love. And in time the never ending circle does its thing and you realise that you would never trade the man beside you, with his rusty amour, feet of clay and annoying ways, for the man in your dreams of yesterday.
Oh well...
ReplyDeleteThe last paragraph sums it up for me ;)
At least you are realistic about it…you write it the way it is..I am tried of people painting their marriages as the next best thing after heaven when all around me I see frowning couples…
ReplyDeletebabes'one more reason i gbadu u, u say it as it is *Gbam!!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteGoing with Fluff on this one...
ReplyDeleteThat last paragraph says all that needs to be said... now if i cld just find that man, things wld just begin to make sense....lol
:)
sista! u r so on point...may God help us all
ReplyDeletesomehow i know you are on point!
ReplyDeletei totally know
the part i think many women of today should keep in mind is this - if that other man was meant to be, he would have found you first! finder's keepers! and since he did not! it means its not his!
shimple! lol
@ fluffy
ReplyDeleteDidn't think I was alone. I guess he is really my last born son so, i just have to lead him wisely.
@afro,
Didn't mean to spoil it for ya, lol. I do the same thing tho, as in my happy ever after, but its a blog, i can't wear my mask everywhere.
@LG
Just doing 'me':-)
@chayoma
Don't bother yourself jare, he will find you; in the mean time have fun!
@aloted
How we for do? Didn't forget the gratitude, am at number two. :) and I may do B instead of M.
@Tyger
In fact, I don't understand why some people don't get that; men all have their skoin skoin (eccentricities- i hope that's a word).
I love the last few lines, how you ended about not trading him in.
ReplyDeleteMay you continue to have patience and all else it takes to have a good marriage.
first time here, and i like ur blog. i want to go over the older posts.
ReplyDeleteon d rings, same thing happened to me, i was told to buy a size bigger and dat i wld grow into it, but somehw the ring keeps falling odd, so i don't want to lose it so i stay with jst d wedding band most time
lol @ respond to his questions with tight-lipped comments
true talk we really cannot trade our men for any man in our yesterday.... or maybe I shd speak for myself... I wouldn't
lol.. gosh. i can soo relate! hehehe.. thx for keeping it real!!!
ReplyDelete@mizchif
ReplyDeleteBIG AMEN to that!
@downtheaisle
Thanks :)
Nah, not trading him now, and letting anoda woman reap the benefits of all the good habits I've instilled and the bad ones I've managed to cure. One does not abandon a project mid-way and he is still my work in progress.
@Simi Speaks
When are u coming back?
"The guys bow gracefully away..." i think this is the most honourably gesture guys can express towards a 'taken' (oops, married) lady.
ReplyDelete"On the hard days you keep that ring on your finger to remind you of the never ending circle that your love is supposed to be. "
ReplyDeleteAnd for this reason, I encourage people to get as big a rock as possible. lol!!!!
First time here...Love is hard, marriage harder, not really there yet but really this story told it all. Enjoy the rest of the week.
ReplyDeletelwkm @ solo. me wey no come get my big rock nko? am i doomed.
ReplyDelete@ moji: dat scene above of u & ur hubby plays exactly like me & MM. it's as if as soon as we enter d car, na 2 argue abt one thing or d other. sometimes, am like pple looking 2ru our windscreen/mirror will probably be thinking these couples r a quarter to the divorce court. lol. Jesus! it's well sha. we have onr really loving moments, which i guess balances it out.
How did I ever miss your blog?
ReplyDeleteAnywho, love it!, So true and I feel you.
Speaking of womans' club, lol, got one on blogworld. If you wanna be a part just send me your email through the comment box and I'll add you, cuz it's private. Stay encourage!
@ rethots,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you.
@ solomonsydelle
To late for me to try to wring a bigger rock out of the guy. And for the things I put up with I think my rock should be the size of the teat on a large pacifier.
@ yankee naijababe
Don't let me scare you. Its not really hard, e just dey get as e be sometimes.
@FFF
I think its the confinement that does it, lol. And yeah, somedays you just know you did choose right.
@Lady A
Yipeee!
the e-mail is moji.adeyinka@gmail.com
@
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