Saturday, August 20, 2011

Diary Reading.

I usually do not watch Tyra, but one of her shows caught my attention not too long ago. She was talking to a couple that was having issues because the hubby read his wifes' diary. As anyone who has ever kept a diary knows, that is a big no no. Even though we all know a diary is a big temptation, do you really want to know what another person thinks or did? and how will that add to your own life as a person?

As I was saying, hubby discovered that his wife had feelings for other women. And had "cheated" on him with other women even though she was not having sex with them. This knowledge of course, made the hubby feel insecure as we know that most men do not want their women interested in anyone else, not even another woman. (And the few that do not mind the other woman will only permit her presence if and only if he can be present too).

Anyhu hubby was so insecure that when they invited friends over for dinner and wife goes into the kitchen with his friends wife, he bursts into the kitchen after them asking what they are getting up to. Wife is thoroughly embarrassed and friends now know her secret too.

While I do not care much for the couple's issue, I just cannot get over anyone reading a diary and choosing to confront them with what they found. I am no saint, I have read a couple of other peoples' diaries but I can honestly say they do not know about it. I used to borrow romance novels from a family friend as a teenager and found the code to her diary. I knew what it was because I had been there and done that. I coded my diary with symbols and kept the symbols as a key. After about the third entry, I knew the code by heart and got careless with the key. It got into an aunts' hands somehow and trust na, she went through the diary and had the audacity to ask me questions about the symbols she did not understand. When I got this girls code, I left it as I saw it. While chilling at her house one day, I found the diary and she was feeling so cool with herself, I had to tell her I found her code in the said novel she had borrowed me. She had borrowed it to other people and it turned out her best friend had borrowed the book too. weeks later she told me she had found a copy of her code with said best friend. Lesson learnt? Dont keep a diary. There are just too many nosy people who find it so hard to mind their own frigging business.

I still cannot wrap my mind around telling a person what I read especially if it was about me or someone I knew. Back in the day, people used to leave their house keys with neighbors (I guess it was too expensive to make copies or they were afraid the key copier would make his own copy?). When that key was kept with you, it was very tempting to go into that persons' house to see what they had that you didn't or just satisfy your curiosity. Now going into another persons' house without their permission is bad, but would you tell them about it when they got back?

I personally stopped keeping diaries because I realized that it is just a no win battle. However, my outlet is still writing and as a writer I do respect other peoples' right to their thoughts and feelings in a journal. Nobody is perfect, but people need to learn the wisdom of not telling all that your eyes see, especially when telling will not benefit anyone.

Now, as for the original couple, hubby did have a right to know if his wife was fooling around (even though he wants to believe that she is bisexual and she seemed to not agree or disagree making me think she isn't bi but just a lesbian). If I was in his shoes and read that about my spouse, if he was talking about other women he did not have sex with, its going to be a long discussion; if it was about other men, we're done but can still be friends. If its about other women he slept with, we're done and I don't need the friendship.

The whole point of this lengthy conversation, is please do not read anybodys' diary and if you do, just do not tell them about it.