Happy Ten Years to Us

Hubby and I will have been together for ten years next month! How time flies. In typical honest fashion, I cannot say its been the most wonderful ten years of my life but I can honestly say that I am truly grateful. It hasn't been horrible either, at least not all of it. I met hubby for the first time in Uni, I was 18, sat next to him in FSLT 1 at faculty of Science in the Greeeat Ahmadu Bello University (yeah, once an ABUsite, always an ABUsite). Anyhu, as a normal chick , since we did not talk and there was nothing striking about him, I totally forgot all about him until he decided to follow me to the hostel some months later. In fact, I thought he was creepy and wondered why he was always staring at me and even forgot that we had ever met. I agreed to go out with him but lost interest because he was quite shy and honestly, I had more serious toasters that were more engaging, taking me out and buying suya for me and my room mates. By 200 levels I was ready to move on so when we resumed for the session, I blew him off and thought I was done with him. His then closest friend came to beg me afterwards and I went out with him again really because I felt sorry for him. I sat there and for the first time, I listened to him. I do not hear a word that he said but I realized that his baritone was so soothing and I loved the rumble in his chest when he spoke. I remember that I kept him talking just so I could enjoy the feel of his voice. But that was when I really started getting to know him and of course when I finally fell for him. I no go lie, we lasted for the sex. We just have a chemistry that sparked something in me. I still tell him so.

I think we both had decided we would enjoy each other while it lasted and just ended up together. At some point, he did tell me that he could not marry me because I wanted to be married after Uni and he used to joke that his wife was somewhere doing some guy and I would tell him my man was a virgin and I was looking forward to teach him "stuff". He never found that amusing. He wanted a much younger wife, he told me, a Christian woman who would teach his children about Christ. (Needless to say our first son just got exposed to Christ and I caught him googling about Jesus that used to kill hypocrites). I thought he was a little too "local" (I still do) and I decided he was Mr. Wrong when he told me how he would open shop for me. I also wanted a Muslim man but was afraid that the man would detest me if I asked for anything but missionary in bed. I wanted to be faithful and people under estimate sexual compatibility. I needed a freak like me and I guess I found one. It wasn't love at first sight, I had always thought that I would end up with an outgoing guy, a muslim, a more ajebutta kind of guy. My man is none of the above. He is intelligent, a leader, and most of all, at this point, I find his presence and persona comforting. I on the other hand was a cynical teenager, I had accepted from about the age of twelve, I was not the type of girl that romances happened to. I was plain, tom boyish, and anti social. I was not interested in being a whore nor was I saving myself for marriage. I just did what felt right. TBH I was a more mature teenager than I am an adult. Now, I am so conformist I shock myself and my family. I guess marriage does that to you.

In case you are wondering, this is preamble to the good, the bad, and the ugly Part II. I just want to set the background. My cousin thought that I shouldn't marry him because our religious differences would be an issue. My Mom did not like his Moms' low key way of making it clear that I was not their first choice. My Dad would like anybody I liked. My sister and confidant felt that I was too hot tempered and him too traditional for it to work. Our wedding took place a year and a half after the introduction and I surprised both of us and those who knew me when we did not call it off before the D - day, though there were many times that I almost did. I don't mean threatening cos I am not a good bluffer. I move swiftly before the other person has a chance to wrap their mind around what I was doing. I have changed so much that I barely recognize myself sometimes. I thought that it was my imagination but his people did not want it to work. His mom and sisters totally ignored me, and his brother was something else. I waited for hubby to call them to order but he didn't. I actually decided that they could all go to hell and when I stopped trying, I either did not notice them as much, or they realized that they were barking up the wrong tree and I won't say that they changed, but we have some respectable distance between us. So here goes the good, the bad, and the downright ugly, ten years on.

Who asked you?

I just finished reading "Who asked you?" by Terri McMillian. After reading "A day late and a Dollar short, she became one of my favorite authors. I probably read her books once a year now because the problem with reading the same person back to back for me is that the stories tend to sound the same and I start to get bored.

In Who asked you? the protagonist found out that one of her former boyfriends had passed away and decided to go find all of her past loves to make sure that they were doing okay. She describes her relationship with each guy and why they ended it. She had a lot to talk about since she had been married three times and had twice as many significant relationships. I thought I'd do the same and put it up as a blog post... and thanks to facebook, I found most of them. I have two on BBM (though we do not talk) and one on whatsapp. The exercise was enlightening as I had to include even the people I had never dated. I realized that I have so far led a very boring and unadventurous life. I honestly have had sex with only 3 men in my life. What a shame. Seriously. I can boast of cuddling probably six without it going any further. I wondered why I was always that "friend" that they would shamelessly beg to hook up with her other friend. I swear, I never saw it. Besides, in my neighborhood, we had many tragic AIDs deaths of the popular neighborhood people. It sufficiently scared me into adulthood.

I won't bother sharing all of my past loves because I bored even myself thinking about them. I looked them up though and had one idiot think that I was toasting him when I buzzed him on facebook. He was my first real, formal proposal. We met randomly and I decided early on that he was not my type. Frankly, I wanted an adventurous lover and he was very Ustaz (Islamic scholar type) and I did not want anyone making me feel guilty when I decided to release all of my pent up sexuality. He asked me who I was, later on, "how can i help you?", "I am a married man", I have blocked and deleted him on facebook now. I didn't want him then, I don't know why he thinks I want him now.

 Another serious contender, I'd heard through the grapevine (we were family friends) that his wife abandoned him but he is there forming happy family man and trying to tell me what I was missing. I felt sorry for him sha. When we met back in 2004, he thought that since I had graduated and served and there was no husband around it meant that I was desperate. He started acting like an asshole and telling me how I should be behaving like "wife material". Once we had been talking and laughing and he decided to "spark" and walk out on me. I educated him on how disrespectful that was (he was probably trying to see what I would do when provoked?) the second time he tried to spark over something insignificant, I walked him out and told him never to come back. He thought I was kidding and when he realized that I was done, he started spending time with my family so that they would help him "beg" me. All that drama and we were not even dating (as in he had not stated his intentions). I probably am boring because I do not do drama.

I was still done and he eventually moved on. He married some sickler girl and we started talking again after my parents invited his parents to my wedding and he called to congratulate me. I heard through the grapevine (my sister) that he had been kicked out by the girls' family. I guess he was thinking that I didn't know. I am not gloating because it's rather sad.

On that note, what is wrong with our generation? Ten years ago everybody was wedding and now it seems one in every five couples is calling it quits. It is well.