2018 has been a good year, it has come with its own ambitions, broken dreams and unforeseen challenges. This year, I started at yet again a new job after walking away from my previous one on December 25th. The new one was touted as being a better place to work but two weeks in, I realized that people were full of shit. The pay was the same , but I was now driving 30-40 minutes to work versus 7-10 minutes to my old job. The stress was increased ten fold. It was poorly organized and sometime in June, I figured that I had had enough and started actively looking for another job which I found in August at an acute care hospital (meaning that my work would now be considered "meaningful experience" by my target facility), the pay was $7 an hour higher, and I now had meaningful health insurance. On the other hand, it meant a switch to night shift which I thought I hated, an additional 15 minutes to my commute or $7 each way on the toll way and a whole learning of new habits which I have realized becomes harder as we get older. At the end of the day, #GodWin.
December 12, 2018 would have been my grad day as a BSN nurse. I had to quit the one year program because it seems whenever I try to accomplish anything with regards to education, a demon possesses my husband and we suddenly start bickering over any and everything to the point where I wonder why we are still married. I actually got admitted last year and deferred attendance until January. Last year in November, my hubby invited his Mum to live with us "for a year" to "help out". We three knew he was lying, after my ordeal with her the last time. By Summer, I had dropped to part time and withdrew finally in the Fall. I plan to re-enroll next year, albeit secretly. The moment I resigned from the program, my husbands' behavior mellowed. Marriage is all about forgiveness so I am trying to get over it. It is well.
Speaking about marriage, this year, I found out that my husband was actually planning to file for divorce based on documents I found by accident on his laptop. The folder was created on April 1st. I was surprised and not surprised at the same time, if you know what I mean. I had noticed his change in behavior for a while and one day just decided to wait for the other shoe to drop. I also have very keen intuition like my gut had been telling me that he was trying to tell me something. I even told him to just tell me what he wanted to say so that my spirit could calm down, but he called me paranoid. I also suspect that he has a family in Dallas, the lady was posting information about her upcoming engagement (same one from a previous post) and she was generally happy while my husband threatened to move out over my refusing to let him change the TV, refusing to give him money to buy stock, or refusing to cancel the kids swimming lessons as the case may be. All sorts of stupid things. I finally told him to please leave and to stop making excuses and he calmed down a bit. I also told him that his baby mama had announced their engagement. He tried a little too hard to convince me that I was paranoid but she did stop posting immediately. And I thought we were over the hill. I found out that he was preparing a folder sometime in July and I have been through all the stages of grief and arrived at the conclusion that I am emotionally over him and his dumb, selfish, insecure ass. At this point, I am really just waiting for him to leave. Now, I cannot help myself, I have asked him a million times to go and file the papers and he is doing everything to keep the peace. He seems scared to do so. It is well.
On a high note, 2018 also marked my year of rebirth. It happened in a most unusual way. A man I worked with gave me his number to call him if I needed him while he was out to lunch. I gave him mine too for practical reasons. He left the nursing home, and it started with a daily good morning text. Then we started talking daily. I refused to read any meanings into it since he is married and so was I. Around April, hubby went overseas for a job and would barely call, when he did call he would ask to talk to the kids and then rush off the phone. At first I teased that he seemed to be preoccupied with someone else and later I decided to siddon look and let the man be. During that time, the other guy and I became very close and at some point I told him we had to stop talking because, I am married and would not do anything to jeopardize my marriage. He told me the same and we agreed to stop talking. The truth was that the little attention I was getting re awakened my femininity and I started taking better care of my appearance and would blush like a school girl whenever he complimented me which is almost daily. He was a breath of fresh air compared to my complaining, manipulative husband. He gave unbiased advice when I stood at cross roads with my career and home life. And hearing from him still lifts my mood all day. Even though now, we barely speak the short period that we did just made me see the glaring difference between my real self and the woman I was morphing into thanks to every day pressures. It is well.
To be continued...
