Birthday Wishes

Technically, I am beginning my 30th year but am really 29. Why do we celebrate the last year instead of the new one(?) cos if you look at it; your first birthday is really the first day of your second year on earth. So each birthday should be the first day of the next year in you life but age-wise, we are last years age. . .

For the first time in the ten years I've know him (yes, I have known him for ten years; tale for another day) hubby was the first person to wish me a happy birthday. I'd just got home the day before, was eating dinner (had resumed midnight dinner for several reasons; I've been stressed out lately, am unable to eat breakfast cos it makes me slow for the rest of the day; the overnight hunger was interfering with my sleep and making me cranky and because I wasn't losing any weight from the starvation, so I might as well. . .) and watching "friends with hubby. It was the episode where Ross' lesbian ex-wife was having Ben; the scene reminded us of my delivery and i suddenly realised that when i gave birth i did remeber pusing out the head but dont remember the shoulders being pushed out hubby then tells me they pulled him out by the head and we went on about details. When the baby comes out on the sitcom and he says happy birthday; I thought he was talking about the show. Then it hits me; it was midnight and my birthday. . .sweet.

My first birthday after meeting hubby, we were at school, our school was one of those where guys were not allowed into female hostels so, I was outside hanging out with my cousins and their friends; we were all broke (my cousins and I), so we decided to gist and tell stories, share jokes (or vice versa). Hubby - then just a guy who refused to get lost - sat somewhere in the shadows with his friends, waiting for the crowd to leave; he over heard the birthday chorus or something, and sneaked away to get me a gift. Spent a few hours outside with him and it was no biggie. . .

My twentieth birthday was a blur, we saw the day before and the day after, I was too depressed to care anyways. By then we were dating and all. . .and o n the verge of our first break up.

Twenty one was a good year, we were taking a break from each other (again) he did remember a week later. no qualms cos, I thot to myself, I was waiting for my knight and the knight obviously was not him. . .

Twenty two, he called late at night, we were back together again. He called me at ten PM (landline not cell phone; my Dad was the only one at home with that nokia 3330 that cost him over 30k, MTN line was 27k or so); anyway hubby calls me telling me he almost forgot; naturally, I blasted him.

Twenty three, nothing not even an e-mail. We had spent a week together in Akure two weeks before, had to blast him again and promised to forget his birthday from then on. . .

Twenty four, we had a pregnancy scare; just did my first medical test for my first job and felt so stupid for probably losing the job because i could have been pregnant. I was too upset to do anything or even care if he remembered. All he had to say was lets do introduction. There was no baby, I got the job and we forgot about the intro (he was a corper).

Twenty five I got a surprise party at work. You know when suddenly you notice everyone is scarce and someone "has something important" to tell you. The person leads you to a room and everybody starts singing Happy Birthday and its a party. It was one of my best birthdays ever! Hubby called in the evening, had to take his mom somewhere (and phones don't work in cars). Blasted him yet again. Much more annoying was that he didn't care if i forgot his.

In 06 he calls me first thing in the morning like he used to every regular day; we gist small and he hangs up; I coolly let him forget at that time, it didn't matter. I guess he pulled up his PC minutes later and realizes; calls me back and we had a good laugh over it. . .

27 we were together; he called from work because that was when he remembered.

28 was an okay age to be, I learnt that I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go in terms of self development; lost all my friends, made no new ones; the first time really that i haven"t asked myself if i was happy with who i was today, the first day of this new year of me. So far so good, though.

Other peoples' kids

Today I noticed my sweet little angel sitting pretty; finally. He will be eight months old in a week. I saw this seven month old with teeth at a store a couple of months ago, the boy was sitting upright, sporting four teeth and obviously crawling or about to. My aunts' baby was standing at 7 months; my cousins' baby was crawling and cruising furniture by 8 months; all around me I saw babies doing things way faster than mine and I almost let myself fall into the "there's something wrong with my child" trap. Don't get me wrong, I see babies way slower than him but to be the best you've got to compete with the best.

We all know that everyone is an individual, in fact I should know that better than anyone else. I didn't walk until I was a year and ten months old, I sucked my fingers, didn't "cry" (my Mom said she had to deliberately starve me every now and then just so she could convince herself I was OK, lol). I was considered "slow" until my Mom said they realized I could read words without pictures when I was four. Even then, I started growing boobs at 9 (mom was scared again, too early) when girls my age caught up, they began dressing up and wearing make-up. I didn't. It went on and on, I just wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing when I was supposed to, and did I mention my Mom thought I was going to be an old maid?

I wish I could claim emotional trauma from all the comparisons I suffered and to be truthful; I did feel there was (and is, maybe?) something wrong with me but as I have realised everyone has their self doubt and the greater the genius the greater the doubt so I don't sweat it. I admit that being compared to others and always or mostly falling short is very challenging. So why was I trying to inflict this negative energy on my little prince? I think its because, like the majority of parents before me, I have/had set milestones for my baby. . .

He was to be sitting by 5 months, crawling at 6 months, off the breast at 6 months (here we are breastfeeding 7 months and counting), standing at 9 months, off the feeding bottle at 1, toilet trained at 2 and saying the alphabet and counting to twenty by 2.

But here I am applauding his being able to sit down without support (and he claps too) at 7 months and four weeks, but even though I think we (me and him) have a pretty fair chance of meeting the other milestones, I will honor his process and just let him do things at his own pace (like I have that much of a say in the matter).

This is fast becoming a mommy blog.

PS:- Not beef but my aunts' child who was standing @ 7 months is a year old next month and he's still not walking but she's not losing sleep about it. Don't know what came over me.

I love my mom to pieces, I obviously inherited her paranoia.

The Nighmare called baby sitters

Am riding the crest of a nightmare baby sitter who, truth be told I should have changed a long time ago. This is my second nightmare in the six months I've had to deal with them. Am seriously considering sending Bobo to naija to live until he is three years old cos, this place is not baby friendly at all.

Started with one akata woman who began well, her place was close-by and she seemed to love kids. All of a sudden, she began complaining all the time; that was our queue to move on but of course, being too busy to look and too stubborn to change we managed her until she decided to not take care of my kid because she felt me and my husband were not communicating, among other things. She claimed she told hubby lots of stuff about me and baby and as a result of our lack of communication, none of the messages were passed across. Last straw was when she said she told him to get someone else and I was livid with rage; sharply went to snatch my baby ; missed two days of work and made new arrangements. Turned out she didn't tell him anything and besides since she and her own husband communicate so well she should have left the messages with him instead.

Well, moved on to Yoruba woman who has turned out to be an even bigger nightmare. To cut a long and needless story short, I have been accused of everything from trying to know her immigration status to insulting her verbally and funniest of them all; I also want to steal her clothes. Well, the other mothers were accused of never paying their bill, not giving their kids anything to eat; eating her food; and we are all bad mothers for a myriad of other reasons. Am shopping for another minder o. My child is the only one left there anyways. I think I have had enough. And to think that this woman has been in yankee for over five years. You can take the woman out of the bush but that bush will remain in the woman sha.

Hubby has been so strong for us this time. The first one had me questioning if we could last another year. He felt it was my fault and we should have begged the akata. I told him the day he labours for his own child we can go and beg her. I was mad at him for days, and I have never hated him as much before nor since. This one was a bit more ridiculous and hubby was actually consoling me like a Daddy does and I almost started crying on the phone. . .that was until I tell him I locked my keys in my car and the he starts screaming as if it was so much of a big deal, I don't know why the man is so inconsistent. I mean its my keys and my car and he just went on and on and on. . .so what if it was the third time in six weeks? I've been stressed out lately. He was a doll and called the locksmith and waited with him.

On a lighter note, I finally had the courage to get contact lenses. I almost chickened out until hubby told me he didn't think I could do it. of course, then I decide I have to. The doc wears contacts himself and shows me how to put them in by taking his out and putting them back in twice in 10 seconds. He hands me my first pair and tells me to put them in. After about 30 minutes, I have one in and have dropped the other one and cannot find it. Doc has seen two other patients. The man get patience no be small. didn't even bill me for the one I lost. He just quietly replaced it for me. Am sure him and his receptionist were wondering how anyone can take 30 minutes to get one lense in but they were nice enough to keep quiet.

Day two, I got both lenses in about 30 minutes, not my fault my eyes just used to close involuntarily. After work that day, I was so tired I rubbed my eyes as I usually do, next thing I know, I cant see out of one eye. Yeepa! I though to myself, How do I explain to the Doc that I lost another one? Fortunately, it was attached to my eye lashes. since i was on my way home anyway, I pull the other one out and wear my glasses puting both lenses in he glass case. By the time I got home they were shrivelled, when I told hubby he did his he he he laugh that he does when he wants to gloat while he should be comforting you. I put them in the water and have been managing them like that since then.

So far so good, I've worn them a month and counting and am enjoying the lightness and being able to see like a regular person.