Homesickness

Today, I confess to being tired, very tired. Got up early this morning thinking to myself how much I didn't want to go to work, or stay at home for that matter. All I really felt like doing was turning back the hands of the clock so I could go home. I mean home to my mom, dad and siblings. . .

I was tired of being a wife; the hardest part of which is dealing with a grown man I often feel like giving a big kick in the ass. Don't get me wrong, me and hubby have really been getting along these days. Some days I love him with all my heart the kind of love that I wouldn't have minded cutting show once in a while if I was with someone else. And somedays he just cannot stop getting on my nerves. Today, he is my one true love and didn't sound so happy when I said it out loud that I just wanted to go home for a week.

I think the lack of sleep is getting to me. My cherub sleeps in three hour stretches on a good day. In between hubbys snores which are getting louder and louder by the day; and the little angel constantly waking up, i get about 6.5 h of interrupted sleep every night. At least if i go home, I could give him to my mom for the night; she raised five kids she must surely be used to it by now. and its all her fault anyway. I don't want to be a wife today. I know I am blessed but I just want to go home and be one of the kids again, just for a week. I am sooo tired; I can't do anything. To please me (or maybe he just got tired of me kicking and shoving him to get him to stop snoring, lol) hubby started sleeping in the other room and I feel abandoned. I am so homesick, I'll deal with that later.

You might wonder why I blame my mother. Well, I love my mother but, I blame her for most things anyways. She was the one harassing me to get married ever since I carried my two left legs home from service with no husband and no job. I was naive then, and just happy to be home. I was only twenty three and she made me feel like a failure for not having a husband. When Baba joined in three years later. . . I knew it was time. So I stubbornly refused to cry on my wedding day; that would have been so pretentious and pretentiousness is just not in my nature. Not to mention her nagging me all the time, there was always something I wasn't doing right.

After all that why do I so much want to go home and be one of the kids again?. . . just for a week?

Maybe my job is also contributing to my stress. Customer service in America is something else. Having been a victim time and time again in Nigeria where you complain and the person supposed to sort out the mess for you will insult you, and walk you out like it isn't your service that made it possible for them to have jobs; here the customer is always right. You have the lousy people who will call in swearing by their dead relatives that they never made certain calls or used certain services, and to keep my job I have to kiss ass and try to tell them politely that it was our fault. Or the stupid ones who want you to send them a new phone because the old one does not vibrate anymore.

And I am just as fat as I've been since the beginning of the year. my fat jeans are getting tight sef. And people think I'm almost due with another baby.

Please let me go home for a week before I lose my mind!